


I won't make the choice that hurts

by DynaEvangeline



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Except Magnus, He knows what he wants and whom, Jace will be a sad, Multi, Not sure what point of view I wanted, Slow burn for Malace, So have all of them, So much pining. All the pining and the denying, There is no denial there, but Malec will come in pretty quick, frustrated puppy for a little while
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-03-04 12:11:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13364433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DynaEvangeline/pseuds/DynaEvangeline
Summary: Alec and Jace both know who they love but they can't seem to find a good time to say it or the words. They are pining and hurting and nothing seems to fix it.Magnus sees them both and knows what they want and knows what he wants. He won't break them apart but then again, its not going to be a walk in the park to make them see their feelings either. Patience is probably key here.{Malace focused fic following show storyline.}





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Takara_Phoenix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takara_Phoenix/gifts).



~Jace~

It was one thing to be parabatai with Alec, it was another thing entirely to have feelings for him. Not that he was ever going to say anything, Alec was a good parabatai, and a better friend, and he had no plans of ruining that. Not at all. Also there was no reason Alec would want him. Alec would probably going to be head of the New York Institute someday and he would be with someone that could help him do that. That someone probably wouldn't be Jace. They had been raised together, why would Alec see him as anything more, he knew Alec liked men so that wasn't the issue itself. Jace wasn't the best person in the world, he was a mess and he was reckless. Alec complained more about having to chase after him and make sure he was alright than anything else. Though to Jace it sounded like complaining even though Isabelle had just told him it was an Alec thing, a way of lightening the mood when things took a turn. She would know but still, Jace just felt like Alec was just there to take care of him and that there were plenty of others better suited for the older. 

Then when Clary came along, it was so much worse, he could feel the irritation coming off his parabatai in waves. Jace felt easier connected with her, and Alec seemed to think he liked her. So Jace went along with it, it was easier and he thought just maybe Alec would tell him how he felt. Or that he would be able to see it. All he saw was anger, was that jealousy? He wasn't sure. Though along with Clary came Simon, and Simon the jealousy for Clary was clear. So maybe for each person it was different, it was hard to tell when this wasn't something Jace was ever taught or worried about. Then they met Magnus, and Jace knew there was no chance of Alec liking him back. Alec melted at the Warlock, and honestly Jace could see why. He was attractive, a flirt and he was a lot more gifted with words than either two of them. He was just a warm person, with his life together, and having magic certainly helped with the charm. He hated him, not hated but a strong instant dislike. Anger over it. So yes maybe that was what jealousy looked like, because it was certainly how it felt. It wasn't made any better by the fact that the Warlock wasn't even trying to hide that he liked Alec, flirting with him and dropping hints. That anyone with eyes could pick up. He barely even noticed Jace. Brushed by him like he was nothing. Jace was fuming, he just wanted the whole thing over. Get Clary's memories back and leave and never come back. Of course that didn't mean it actually went that way, in fact it went the complete opposite. In a way that caught Jace off guard and in confusion. They had to give up a memory of one they loved. He didn't hesitate to give one of Alec and Izzy and all of them training. He had lots of those and he knew Alec wouldn't catch on that his feeling were more than just family ones. That wasn't anything that caught him off guard, it was Alec's memory. Not so much the memory itself. After all, Jace expected himself or Izzy or Max. But it was Alec's reaction to it. Pulling away like it was some big secret. 

Jace didn't have the time to question it before the demon broke lose and he threw himself in front of his parabatai and the rest was a blur. He woke up with everyone leaning over him and feeling like a train had hit him. Which in hindsight wasn't that far off to being thrown about by a demon. In the end Jace left sore, confused, and irritated, all at the same time. They had gotten nothing out of the trip, Clary was upset, Alec was distant which hurt more than anything else. Even broken bones and Jace...well he didn't know what to do. Alec's reaction to the memory could have been from the loss of it and he knew he shouldn't jump to any conclusion. So he didn't bring it up, not that way. He told Alec it was okay for him to love him. He made it seem like it was no big deal, though it hurt. It hurt more than anything he had dealt with. It felt like giving Alec an out so he could be with Magnus. But if you really loved someone, weren't you supposed to put them before yourselves? Or so he had heard. So that's what he did, he put Alec before his feelings and he didn't press. 

But he did get more withdrawn, and there was no one he could really talk to it about. The one person that he should was his parabatai and that was out of the question. Izzy would just lock him and Alec in a room. Clary wouldn't understand and if she really liked him, that would probably just cause more problems. He had no one to go to with his problems so he let them simmer and build. 

~~

~Alec~

Having Clary and her little mundane friend join them was a mistake. Everything was going fine, and having that girl show up with all her problems ruined it. It ruined everything. It ruined his chance with Jace, not that he had one but he wanted one. He cared a lot for Jace and he had been in love with him for a long time, since before they were parabatai, no one other than Isabelle knew but she never said anything or pressed it. Probably giving Alec the chance to do it on his own, which he never had and he probably never would. Jace was gorgeous and everything, anybody could want and Alec wasn't that. Jace was the gold of the sun hitting and reflecting light off surface of the water, there was little to no reason that Jace would feel anything romantic towards him. Alec was plain, and he wasn't overly exciting. Not really. He had to much riding on his shoulders, to be reckless like his sister or his parabatai. He was the one that had to make sure they were doing what they were supposed to and keeping the two of out danger. With Clary there, it was even harder, Jace literally seemed ready to follow her anywhere. No matter how much Alec told him it was a bad idea, and it didn't help that Izzy wasn't really backing him up at all for this.

It didn't get better, then they had to track down a Warlock because her memories were gone and apparently she was the daughter of Valentine. Alec hated every moment of it, until he didn't. Magnus wasn't like anyone he had been around before, he wasn't even like other Downworlders Alec had seen and he paid attention to Alec, for once he wasn't ignored in favor of Jace. And yes, so that did annoy him. He loved Jace, he really did but he hated that he was the golden child, that no matter what Jace did wrong everyone loved him. When Alec on the other hand had to try harder and harder to show he was worth it. With Magnus it wasn't like that, he gave Alec the most of his attention and Alec soaked it up. As much as he could get before things went wrong because they did. And they were his fault. Though he was going to blame himself later, mostly he was angry at the demon. Summoning it had been a bad idea in the first place. It wanted a memory of one they loved and Alec should have know what his would be but he wasn't prepared. Not for everyone to know, for Magnus who could possibly like him back to know, for Jace to know. Izzy already did but he didn't want anyone else to. So he broke the circle, pulling his hands away and he regretted it immediately. Jace could have been killed by his stupidity and what must Magnus think of. Alec didn't stick around, he couldn't. Everything was turning on an axes, for so long he had loved Jace, but what did he feel for the Warlock who was full of charm. It wasn't possible to love two people or was it? With Jace, it was pining and he was sure it would never be returned. Especially with Clary here. With Magnus he clearly liked him back and was showing it, but Alec didn't know what to do with that and after that he wasn't sure Magnus would still like him. It was complicated and Alec wasn't ready for it.

He didn't know what to do, Jace was normally who he talked to but that was way out of the question for this and with Izzy it was a no as well. He wasn't sure her advice would help. So he was going to deal with it alone.

~Magnus~

Magnus had dealt with Shadowhunters on and off in his long life, so was he surprised to see the group in his night club. Not at all, was he surprised to see young Clary Fray, even less so, he knew his wards on her memories were fade and she would come seeking him out. He told her mother so. Though he was surprised by the raven haired boy, he looked familiar for a moment and Magnus was enthralled. Though he hadn't expected to see him again, after he sent their little group packing. That was until he showed up at the right moment, when Circle members had found Magnus' loft. Well by then Magnus couldn't help himself. He also knew that this boy was not who he thought, he wasn't William Herondale, he was so very different. Shy, and quiet, more reserved than the others. More reserved than his parabatai who lived like he was the center of attention. He remembered Magnus of Will, even though he was blonde. Jace was his name, but for now Magnus had his eyes on Alec. Beautiful Alec, and he made it clear as the time went on. What he thought of the boy, and where he was hoping this could go. He flirted while Clary set up everything for him, he couldn't help himself. Alec was beautiful and he knew that there was so much more to him than he was showing. It had been a while since he had felt like this about anyone. But Jace and Alec had a bond that Magnus felt wrong getting in between. More so after seeing Alec freak at Jace popping up as I loved one. 

He saw it not only in him but in Jace as well, he wasn't blind ,though those two clearly were about each other. Magnus knew also that Alec liked him, and Jace did not. He couldn't blame him or his jealousy and honestly he was slightly jealous himself. But he didn't hate Jace, in fact he didn't mind him. Sure he was quite full of himself but Magnus could see a mask when he saw one and he knew that Jace was probably a lot more than he showed. Just as Alec was. They were a perfect pair to be honest, they just needed a balance. The question was how to go about it. Alec would be easier to approach, but he didn't want to anger Jace more and bringing it up to Alec that they should all try to be together might freak the younger out. Though approaching Jace first, probably wouldn't help either. It was complicated but Magnus more than knew what he wanted and the more he thought on it the more he wanted a taste of both. Parabatai pairs weren't whole without each other and Magnus wouldn't break that. He was more than content to give both a try and build on what he already felt. It was just where to start that was the problem, he doubted either of them were just going to drop by again, without a reason. Though Magnus was sure he was the only Warlock they knew and would go to if they needed help. 

So he let it sit for a little while, he did text Alec, Isabelle gave him his phone number. Not that Alec really returned them but it was a start. A slow one but Magnus was more than patient.


	2. Chapter 2

~Jace~

A lot happened in between then and the next time they ended up at Magnus'. A lot and Jace didn't feel any better about any of it. He followed after Clary like a lost puppy, and the bond between him and Alec. The bond that was always there, the bond Jace held onto. Weakened. Jace knew it was partially his own fault. He was angry at himself for how he felt about Alec, angry that Alec didn't even seem to notice or care at the moment, and angry that everything that happened between them ended in a fight. He got that Alec didn't like Clary, he got that but Alec was his parabatai. Push all feelings aside, they were that. But right now it didn't feel like it. It felt like a rift that was getting bigger and bigger and Jace didn't know how to handle it. So he helped Clary which just made things worse but he didn't know what else to do. 

When he left Alec with her, to look after her and she was kidnapped by wolves, Jace couldn't describe the anger from it. He trusted Alec, trusted him to do this for him. To drop whatever was going on, to prove they were still parabatai. But he hadn't and now when someone had gotten hurt, someone Clary cared for and about. Alec just left. Jace didn't have the time for it, or the hurt that came from it. He just helped Simon and Clary get Luke to Magnus'. It was really the last place he wanted to go after last time. After seeing Magnus flirt and Alec actually smile. Magnus would probably have an easier time getting through to Alec right now and he hated that. Magnus though, the dislike he thought Jace thought the Warlock had, well it wasn't there. Maybe it was because Magnus was focused on helping Luke or maybe its because Alec wasn't here and Jace wasn't having to deal with the Warlock flirting with the one person Jace was in love with. Though when Magnus asked for Alec, because of his 'virgin Shadowhunter energy.' Jace's temper was back and he didn't exactly handle calling Alec well at all. He kept it short, and made sure Alec knew he needed him there. Because he did and he always would. He wanted this fighting and anger to stop. Somehow. 

He really tried not to let it show, he really did. The anger when he stuffed his phone in his pocket or the breath he took trying to calm himself. Maybe no one else would have noticed that, after all they were busy with Luke but Magnus did. Magnus noticed everything, or so it did seem. 

"Trouble in paradise?" It wasn't meant to be hurtful and there was actual concern in his voice. Enough to catch Jace off guard. He didn't want to talk about it though, not with a stranger with the the only interest in this being to get to Alec. So Jace shook his head before asking what else Magnus needed. Simon tagged along which of course didn't help. Something was up with him, and if Jace hadn't been so caught up in his own drama. He might have noticed, part of him did and he even questioned it, but he didn't push. Simon and him didn't get along and the whole walk to get what Magnus needed showed that. It wasn't Simon's fault but Jace was too damn proud not to make it seem that way. Most of the way they fought and shoved each other. Like the alpha males that only Jace was but Simon was sure as hell trying. By the time they did get back, Jace could feel Magnus' magic from the loft and he didn't hesitate to make his way inside. He might have paused when he saw Alec holding Magnus up and their hands clasped. Might have given both a dark look and felt like his heart was shattering more. But he didn't stop, he didn't leave. He gave the ingredients to Clary so she could help Luke. Jace could have walked out after that but he didn't. He stayed to make sure everything was okay, to check on Alec. Before leaving.

~Alec~

He was tired of Clary, tired of how it felt like she was stealing Jace away. Tired of his own doubt and pain haunting him. He regretted how he had reacted with the memory demon and now with his mom here. Well everything was getting worse. He had no chance to talk with Jace, which tore at their bond and worst yet Jace left him alone with the red-head and like always she fucked things up. By leaving the Institute and getting kidnapped by the wolves. Jace had been pissed which made things more strained between them and it made Alec more caught up in his own anger. He was so done with her. That he didn't even care when Jace went with her to help Luke. He didn't want to be involved in her trouble anymore. To watch as she slowly took his parabatai away. Okay Alec cared a lot, he really did. He was losing his parabatai and didn't know how to fix it. At all. He didn't know how to talk about it, or what to do and on top of that dealing with his parents. Just made everything worse. Then Jace called and Alec was lost. Magnus needed him and Magnus had been nothing but helpful and kind and actually paid attention to him but it was Jace asking. So what should he do. Follow the rules like he had always been told or help? 

In the end he ended up showing up, almost too late. But he was glad he wasn't. Whatever anger he had at Jace, it didn't matter. Seeing Magnus look like he was going to pass out, was something Alec felt bad for. The man was giving so much to help, and Alec would gladly help him in whatever way that he could. He rush to his side to hold him up before he fell over. "What do you need?" Magnus took a second before noticing he was there and he held out his hand to him.

"Your strength, as much as you want to give." Alec debated, for only a second before taking Magnus' hand and feeling his magic latch onto him. 

"Take as much as you need. Whatever helps." He meant it, every word. There was something about Magnus that just drew Alec in, made him feel wanted and like he mattered and he didn't feel like he had a lot of that lately. Alec didn't move when he heard the others come into the room and he didn't leave to follow Jace and the others when they left. Not at all, he stayed to make sure Magnus was okay and to help. He was wanted here and honestly he wasn't ready to deal with his parabatai right now. Alec needed the space and this would be probably his only chance to get some. 

~Magnus~

Oh these Shadowhunters were ridiculous, how could they possibly get into this much trouble? Not that Magnus minded, he knew Luke, he was a good man and he wasn't going to let him die. Plus it brought at least one of the boys over. Though Jace was a difficult one. But Magnus did his best to stay focus, work on Luke, then he could deal with trying to play match maker and hook up with the pretty angels. One thing at a time. Jace was not going to be so easy, so Magnus kept his teasing light and told him to bring Alec. Magnus didn't think he really needed him, he could do this on his own. Jace seemed stressed by just the thought of talking with his parabatai and that for sure needed to be fixed. Did Shadowhunters not just talk to each other? Its ridiculous. All of it went by pretty fast, Magnus talked with Clary while he sent her suitors or well suitor. Anyone with eyes could tell Jace only liked her for the attention. Not even close to the way he felt for Alec. But he wasn't going to announce that and upset her, since she seemed fond of him. 

What he didn't expect was to actually need Alec, and to have him show up right in time. The boy was an angel, more so than he could have expected and he couldn't help but admire how fast he came to his side to help and that he stayed when it was all said and done. Oh he was precious and Magnus was already falling so hard. He was happy to have him stay, happy to have the chance to talk with him. Alec was pretty open and easy to read. He liked Jace yes, but he also liked Magnus and Magnus would start there. He couldn't force the two boys to admit their feelings to each other but he could help ease it. One step at a time, as much as possible. For now he was focusing on Alec, after all he doubted Jace was going to come back over here unless it was for Clary. So Alec it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot longer to write than I had planned. I had an infection and ended up in the hospital and not feeling the best plus a lot of other things came up and I got behind on my writing. But I will try to keep getting chapters up. Hopefully they won't take as long this time around.
> 
> Also the first couple of ones aren't going to be very long. Mostly trying to build up their angsty pining and Magnus being in the middle of it all. Once it gets to the actually shipping, the chapters will be a bit more. I may also switch to writing from just Magnus' or Jace's point of view because I struggle a lot with Alec. So if you guys would prefer Magnus or Jace. Just let me know cause I can write those boys without frustrating myself.

**Author's Note:**

> Written with Takara_Phoenix in mind. They for sure helped encouraged me to write a more slow burn fic for these three with some angst. 
> 
> I love these three, and they do such a wonderful job. If you haven't read theirs, you absolutely need to. 
> 
> Also I couldn't decide whose point of view to write from, so I did all three for now. I might continue this, depending on how it goes and what feels the best. I have a harder time with Alec, so it might lean more towards Jace or Magnus.
> 
> Updates will be once a month or more depending on my time. This was supposed to be done earlier but I got the flu.


End file.
